6 Things Guys Really Want You To Do When You First Start Dating

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Six expectations he has that he won't tell you about.

You’ve met a nice guy and he’s asked you out. You walk into this date and potential relationship filled with expectations. Dating advice will make you wonder whether or not he'll pick up the bill, open your door, take interest in your life, and so on.

His ability to meet these expectations are the make or break for him, so you’re watching closely.

But when it comes to what men want, did you know that they have expectations of you as well? They’re not always as obvious, but through my dating journey and the feedback of clients, I’ve learned that there are six things guys want you to do, but won’t tell you, when you first start dating.

1. Call or text first sometimes.

Men know that they should pursue you, but in a world full of so many options, it’s nice when you show some actual interest in them. Sending out a simple text asking how their day has been goes a long way in getting you to the top of their list.

2. Ask questions.

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This seems like a simple one. It’s called a conversation! You wouldn’t believe how many guys complain to me about how little interest women take in them during their date. The art of conversation is huge and will keep you in the game a lot longer.

3. Take interest in the things they love.

Whether it’s a sports team, activity or their new favorite band, you should take interest in their interests. Let him ramble on about his quarterback, even if you don’t love that team (or sport all together).

He just wants you to listen to him sometimes, just like he has to listen to some story about your friend’s cousin’s daughter.

4. Plan a date.

There’s a lot of pressure put on men to plan dates that are interesting, fun and creative. It’s nice of you to take that on sometimes and introduce him to your favorite things or try something completely new together.

5. Send a photo (or two).

You know how I feel about men asking for pictures without any real context. I’m not a fan! But I am a fan of sending the unsolicited picture — and so are men. You dressed up for a girl’s night? Send it to him. He’ll appreciate that more than the one he asked for.

6. Don't use your phone at the dinner table.

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This request is another very obvious requests that we as a culture keep failing at. When you first start dating someone, you want his or her undivided attention. Your Instagram feed can wait, ladies. Leave your cell in your purse and only take it out when he goes to the bathroom.

Fulfill these expectations and you will be the keeper he’s been looking for.

Ravid Yosef is a Dating & Relationship Coach working with clients virtually around the world. If you have experienced negative habits, thoughts and emotions in your relationship and need help navigating through, please consider her coaching services.

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Why I Spent 8 Years Ritually Bathing Before Sex With My Husband

The good and bad of religously-mandated separation.

The plunge into Lake Superior was a certain kind of awakening. Cold. Shocking. Fresh. Every nerve ending tingling awake.

Last summer, three of my kids and my husband jumped from a 20-foot cliff into the ice-cold waters of our greatest lake, while my youngest son and I waded in slowly from the shore. The startling cold of the ice-melt lake lapping at our skin was enough to awaken from any slumber, be it metaphorical or literal.

In a way, it was what mikvah (the Jewish ritual bath) was supposed to be like so many years earlier, during the decade I spent as an Orthodox Jew.

....

Back then, I followed the marital laws of niddah religiously, withdrawing from sex and any touch between husband and wife from the day my period began until it ended, plus another full week for good measure. We slept in separate beds (we kept a twin bed in the corner of our bedroom for this purpose; I claimed the king, since I was the one being banished, and sent my husband to the "niddah bed.").

We didn't pass the salt, the car keys or the baby to one another. We didn't undress in front of one another. We didn't share food from the same plate.

At the end of the period of separation, I made my appointment at the mikvah (a ritual bath) in my neighborhood, always late at night, always in stealth quiet for this private, but important, observance.

There are a whole lot of rules around mikvah. You have to mark seven "clean" days after your period before you can immerse, so if you typically see spotting after the major flow of blood is done, Jewish law demands that you ask a rabbi to determine if the red on your underwear or pad is period-red or old-blood-red.

I'm not kidding.

There were times I put a little pad in an envelope (gross, I know) and had my husband take it to a rabbi, who would hold it up to the sunlight to determine its actual color. Every single time it was decided that it was not new blood and it counted as a clean day because the goal of the community is to get wife and husband back together.

That's not the only checking-up that happens when you observe this mitzvah. You book time in one of the prep rooms at the mikvah building and are supposed to take a long bath, then a shower, and comb out your hair until no knots are left (with my tight curls, that is hard to achieve).

You have to clip your nails, remove nail polish, floss your teeth — every little thing to make sure you are clean as a whistle before you can immerse.

When you get into the mikvah room itself, the mikvah lady (that's her official title) checks you. She pulls loose hairs off your back, scans your naked body from head to toe, and asks you a bunch of questions as if you can't be relied upon yourself to have followed the law meticulously. And then she'll allow you to immerse.

At the time, I didn't really mind this ritual; It was just part of our life and something I accepted when I pledged to be Orthodox. To be honest, the mandated time apart from intimate relations with my husband was a nice respite, after which we could resume intimacy and sex with renewed passion.

I can't say with full honesty, though, that ritual bathing before sex was a wake-up call like the plunge into Lake Superior. I can say a few things about this mitzvah that I don't think I will ever observe again.

On the bad side:

1. It's too long to wait to resume sex.

In a marriage, it's important to have boundaries and breaks. Too much sex gets boring and you want to keep that spark alive. So mikvah is helpful in forcing a married couple apart during a woman's monthly cycle, when I personally am not that interested in having sex anyway.

Except for me, the time I want to resume relations is sooner than the biblical mandate, which comes out (not surprisingly) right around the time of ovulation for most women. So it begs the question: Is niddah about the relationship — or about making babies?

2. I shouldn't be banned from having sex with my husband just because I'm bleeding.

We women have the power to create new life. Like God himself, we can create something from nothing with the help of a quick deposit from a guy.

But it's our job to carry the baby, grow it, nurture it, birth it, and then nourish this new life post-partum. We do the heavy lifting — literally — for this act of creation and yet we are the ones penalized for the beautiful and holy way our bodies are made.

That never sat right with me. Banished because I'm bleeding? Come on. I thought we'd moved beyond such archaic notions.

3. The strict rules for mikvah remind me how I hate being checked up on.

One thing that ended my love affair with Orthodox Judaism was the militancy about being each other's watchdogs. It's between me and God, thank you very much. Think about not being able to hand off your newborn baby to your husband but rather, having to put your baby on the couch and wait for your husband to pick him up, hoping the baby doesn't roll off and crash to the ground.

And there's the pent-up anticipation of the marital reunion night that can be, well... kind of awkward. My ex-husband took to opening the door from the house to the garage when I pulled in after my mikvah immersion. He stood in the spotlight of my minivan's headlights, a dopey grin painted across his face. I couldn't even turn off the ignition before he was reaching for me.

That was not so romantic; more like desperate. I know he wanted me but after 12 days of no-touching and no intimacy (which sometimes resulted in grumbling and arguing as an outlet for pent-up physical hunger), I needed to rebuild the magic. There was no turn-it-on-fast for me like there was for him.

But it's not all bad. On the good side...

4. Little things become a big deal.

For long-married couples, it's nice to not have to make excuses or reject a partner's sexual advances. That's the blessing of a ritual bathing before sex. Plus, the reason Orthodox Jews are so reproductive has a lot to do with the fact that when they do have sex, it's prime breeding time.

If you observe niddah to a T, you don't pass the salt or the casserole or the baby to your husband until after your mikvah immersion (remember, during niddah, you can't touch your husband) which makes passing the salt a little racier than you might think. That's a nice side effect.

5. There's something incredibly comforting about water.

A mikvah looks a lot like a whirlpool or hot tub. It's tiled and clean (hopefully) and in a private, quiet room. (Although technically, a woman can immerse in any body of natural water.)

The mikvah waters have to come from nature, so every mikvah has an irrigation system which collects rainwater and allows it to mix with city water. My mikvah was always warm bordering on hot, but the water rocked and swelled like any untamed waves when I dunked completely under, recited the blessing for the immersion, and dunked twice more.

I've always felt at peace, at home, and myself around water, on the water, in the water, or beside the water. I understand the transformative nature of a dunk in a clear pool, the energizing qualities of renewal you feel when you burst forth from underneath and gulp in that first breath. There is something magical about immersing in water — something restorative.

No system is perfect, least of all religious systems that are made to control and organize communities. There is divine inspiration in this idea of marital separation, which happens anyway in most relationships if not imposed. It can be a beautiful thing to step away and regroup before stepping close once again and plunging into the bliss of ecstasy.

But it can be harmful, too.

In the years since I've stopped observing so rigorously, I've felt closer to God and to my current husband than I could've imagined. We observe our own self-imposed sort of niddah without requiring strict rules or an immersion before we reunite. It's a flow toward each other and to our own corners at that time of the month that just happens naturally — and that's the way I like it.

Yet, there's nothing like the awakening that comes from that first step into fresh water, the lap of waves against skin, the feeling of coming alive for the very first time. Dunking in holy waters for sure — except now, it's on my terms.

Lynne Meredith Golodner is a public relations pro, entrepreneur and author of eight books.

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How To Make A Guy Fall Deeply In Love With You

Spoiler alert: There really is a magic formula.

You’ve met your dream guy and things are going pretty well, but how can you be sure that he’s as head over heels for you as you are for him?

If you’ve ever fallen hard for someone, you know the most frustrating (and fun) thing about it can be trying to gain their attention and earn their returned love.

If you want to know how to get a guy not only to like you, but how to make a man fall deeply in love with and want to build a life with you, you want to prove yourself as someone worthy of his time and affection.

But it’s never just as easy as casting a magic spell to make it all go well, is it?

Relationships take time, dedication, and a steady mix of patience to work out right. After all, you’re trying to build a life with someone, and that’s no easy task. However, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a method to all of the madness or a way to get someone to notice the depth of your love and give you some of that adoration in return.

A good relationship is like a dance. It requires two people giving their all and learning the steps to work with each other so they don’t crush a lot of toes. And like a good dance, there are steps you can take in your relationship to help make it flow smoothly, and keep you from stepping all over your partner by accident.

Relationships need a lot of effort, but sometimes it’s not easy to figure out where you should be directing that effort. Want to be more successful in dating? Then you’ll want to follow these simple steps for how to make a man fall in love with you, because believe it or not, there is actually a formula. It might not be magic, but it’s as close to a magic as you can get — and it’s also far more reliable.

Just how does such a thing work?

Well, you’re going to want to remember the acronym MAGNETICS — and get ready to get loved up!

Without further ado, here's how to make a guy fall deeply in love with you in 9 easy steps.

1. M is for Masculinity

A man wants a woman who just "gets" him. He wants her radiance and femininity to draw him in the way his masculine energy attracts her. He wants a woman who appreciates his ability to protect, provide and solve problems. He wants her to admire him for his steadiness and sense of calm under pressure. He doesn't want to feel emasculated because he's way more logical and analytical and doesn't (necessarily) cry at sappy movies.

In short, he wants a woman who sees him as the hero he's always wanted to be — and when you really get that you just might be shocked at how heroic he truly is in his heart and soul. Ladies, that is the real greatness of a man. For the right reason or cause, he would literally die for you. Now if that's not a hero, what is?

2. A is for Acceptance

Now when it comes to "getting" your man, there is one thing you must not do if you want a man to see a future with you. Do not treat him like some kind of project that needs to be fixed because it immediately brings up the walls. If you have the urge to try to change his clothes, his circle of friends, the way he talks, what he loves to do — don't do it!

Just move on and find someone you can respect and appreciate just the way he is right now. If he wants your help, he'll ask for it. The right guy for you deserves to feel like he's your hero. If you can't offer that, he's not your guy.

3. G is for Grateful

A man has two primary gifts he can offer a woman: his ability to protect and provide. So if he is willing to risk his life to protect yours and invest his time, talent and treasure in order provide for you, all he really wants is a little gratitude in return.

He simply wants you to appreciate that he works hard to take care of you even if he can't give you everything he'd like. That's really not a lot to ask. So if you want a guy to see the very best in you and fall hopelessly in love, the one thing you can't do is take him for granted or disrespect his efforts.

4. N is for Nurturing

If it's up to a man to protect and provide for his woman and family, what is it that he wants and needs from her in return? Simply put, a woman's beauty and grace attracts a man and is often demonstrated in her innate ability as a nurturer or caretaker.

Now before you attack that idea as sexist, we're really just talking about two people who come together to love, care for and make each other's life even better by forming a cooperative partnership here. The real beauty of a relationship is when two people come together with a desire to give rather than just take. That's when the magic is unleashed.

5. E is for Easy-Going

Despite what you may think or your past experience — you may never know just how much a man really does want to please you if he is able. In fact, the problems show up when he no longer thinks he can please you. Men are very simple creatures. They demonstrate their value by solving problems and fixing things (and occasionally they may make the mistake of trying to fix you).

Plus, nothing makes a man feel worse than to feel stuck in a problem he just can't solve so if you're unhappy too often, at some level, he's failed and he will try to distance himself from feeling like a failure. By contrast, nothing makes a man feel successful like you when you are happy — which is why a positive, happy and radiant woman is so appealing.

6. T is for Trustworthy

When it comes to true demonstrations of masculine energy and the code it lives by, the concept of honor is practically inseparable from the ideal. Whether it's warriors on the battlefield or symbolic "warriors" on the playing field, having your partner's back is the difference between winning and losing or even life and death. A man has got to trust that you're on his team and have his back, otherwise, he will never commit.

7. I Is For Independence

If there is one area I see women mess up time and again, it's in trying to define a relationship or tie a man down too soon. That's because her need to feel "safe" is in direct contrast to his innate desire for freedom and not being tied down. If you think about it, every soldier anywhere who has ever been killed in action has died trying to defend their idea of freedom.

When you realize that simple fact, you'll understand why he'll feel reluctant to just give it away, but don't worry. The good news is he will trade his freedom for something better, so just be better and don't try to force him into a decision too soon.

8. C is for Captivate

When you really get what I've just shared and exude these nine traits, you will officially be in your man's head — and in his heart as well. That's because he will notice all the "logical" benefits of your wonderful traits right about the time his heart opens and "emotion" slowly enters the equation.

Oh, and there's one other thing that gets a man to act in the captivation stage: his competitive nature won't tolerate losing the greatest woman he's ever met to another man.

9. S is for Soulmates

When you follow this as outlined, it all adds up to something magical. When you embody a love of his Masculinity with your Appreciation for who he is, add in some Gratitude, a Nurturing spirit, an Easy-going nature, an ability to be Trustworthy, and honor his Independence all while captivating him — it all adds up to one thing. The final S is for Soulmate because that's what you'll have found.

Dave Elliot is a Neurostrategist and Coach who is known for getting results with a variety of techniques that enable rapid transformational change. Connect with him for support in moving past bad relationship cycles or a toxic bad boy phase.

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Romantic playlist perfection.

It's been over half a century since The Beatles took America by storm when their first record, "Love Me Do", was released on October 5, 1962, and the Fab Four and their music are still very much in our hearts.

And how could they not be?

The Beatles — comprised of John Lennon, Sir Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Sir Ringo Starr — were expert craftsmen of many of the best love songs of all time.

Romantic quotes from their heart-warming lyrics resonate with us as much now as they did in the 60s, so much so that, even more than 50 years later, the Beatles' music continues to influence the best artists and song lyricists of the modern era.

Some of their songs are so unbelievably romantic that it's enough to make any girl swoon as soon as she hears the longing and passion with which they can sing about that greatest of forces: love.

Their crooning has united lovers the world over and brought people closer together.

Chances are good you've even been to a wedding where they played some of their music during the reception!

They wrote and recorded a canonical 213 songs (plus many covers of their favorites songs by others) in their decade together.

This lengthy list makes picking a favorite love song hard, but there are some that certainly stand out more than others and are recognized as some of the most brilliant, lovely pieces of music ever written.

But what are the most romantic Beatles songs there are?

Here are the 15 best Beatles loves songs of all time, along with quotes from our favorite lyrics.

1. "All You Need Is Love" — released as a non-album single in July 1967

No matter how many times you hear it, a list of love songs simply isn't complete without this splendid song (and reminder).

"There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy
Nothing you can make that can't be made
No one you can save that can't be saved
Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time
It's easy"

2. "Sexy Sadie" — from The Beatles (aka The White Album), 1969

For the woman who can make any man swoon. Men love what she's about, and they will sell everything they own (literally) just to sit next to her.

"We gave her everything we owned just to sit at her table
Just a smile would lighten everything
Sexy Sadie, she's the latest and the greatest of them all"

3. "If I Fell" — from A Hard Day's Night, 1964

We all know how hard it is to fall in love. Some of us have a guard up and some of us have been burned in the past.

Whatever the reason, this song shows us it's a universal sentiment.

"If I fell in love with you
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand
'Cause I've been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands"

4. "I Want To Hold Your Hand" — released as a non-album single in 1963

Don't roll your eyes just yet. Holding hands is a simple, intimate gesture that easily expresses love, and sometimes we forget it. It also relieves pain (really).

In a study at Virginia University, when neuroscientist Jim Coan "scanned the brains of married women in pain, he spotted changes that may help to shed light on an age-old mystery. As soon as the women touched the hands of their husbands, there was an instant drop in activity in the areas of the brains involved in fear, danger, and threat."

Even a photograph of their loved one was shown to have a soothing effect. Maybe a song can, too.

"And when I touch you
I feel happy inside
It's such a feelin' that my love
I can't hide"

5. "All My Loving" — from With The Beatles, 1963

This song is a simple reminder of how sweet love is.

"And then while I'm away, I'll write home every day, and I'll send all my loving to you.”

6. "And I Love Her" — from A Hard Day's Night, 1964

It's likely Sir Paul McCartney, as the story goes, wrote this about his long-time girlfriend, Jane Asher, because it's certain he penned it in her parents' home.

And it's a ballad lovers have been relating to ever since.

"I give her all my love
That's all I do
And if you saw my love
You'd love her, too
I love her"

7. "When I'm Sixty-Four" — from Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, 1967

A "let's grow old together" ditty that makes it easy for us to hope for a love that lasts forever and ever.

"Give me your answer, fill in a form
Mine for evermore
Will you still need me, will you still feed me
When I'm sixty-four"

8. "P.S. I Love You" — released as the B-side of "Love Me Do" in 1962 and included on debut album Please Please Me, 1963

Need we say more?

"As I write this letter, send my love to you
Remember that I'll always be in love with you
Treasure these few words 'til we're together
Keep all my love forever
P.S. I love you, you, you, you"

9. "I'm Happy Just To Dance With You" — from A Hard Day's Night, 1964

Is there anything more romantic than a man who just wants to sway with you to romantic music all night? He's not looking for anything sweeter than to fall in love with you and hold you close.

If that's not swoon-worthy, I don't know what is!

"I don't need to hug or hold you tight,
I just wanna dance with you all night,
In this world there's nothing I would rather do,
'Cos I'm happy just to dance with you."

10. "Something" — from Abbey Road, 1969

Frank Sinatra labeled this the best love song ever written, and who are we to disagree with the man?

"Something in the way she knows
And all I have to do is think of her
Something in the things she shows me
Don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how"

11. "From Me To You" — released as a single in 1963

What's more romantic than a man who wants to give you absolutely everything in the world?

This song is unbelievably sweet, and will be sure to bring you and your love close together with a smile on each other's faces!

"I've got everything that you want
Like a heart that's oh so true
Just call on me and I'll send it along
With love, from me to you"

12. "Anytime At All" — from A Hard Day's Night, 1964

There is nothing sexier than knowing that you can count on a guy for anything you need. And someone who's willing to tell you that anytime at all you might need something to call on him is definitely a keeper.

Men, this song will surely make the lady you love feel special and wanted!

"If you need somebody to love
Just look into my eyes
I'll be there to make you feel right
If you're feeling sorry and sad
I'd really sympathize
Don't you be sad, just call me tonight"

13. "Love Me Do" — released as the Beatles' debut single in 1962

Promises to always be true and to love you no matter what? *Swoons*

This song will have your love saying, "Take me! I'm yours!"

"Love, love me do
You know I love you
I'll always be true
So please, love me do
Whoa, love me do"

14. "Michelle" — from Rubber Soul, 1965

A sexy song (sung partially in French!) that will simply make you melt. ... Especially if your name happens to be Michelle!

And even if it isn't, it's still sure to be a sweet, romantic love ballad.

?I love you, I love you, I love you
That's all I want to say
Until I find a way
I will say the only words I know that
You'll understand
Michelle, ma belle
Sont les mots qui vont tres bien ensemble
Tres bien ensemble"

15. "Till There Was You" — from With The Beatles, 1963 (cover of the song from 1957 Broadway musical, The Music Man)

His world was dark and lifeless ... until there was you. You opened his eyes and his mind and showed him the beauty in the world.

This song might be a cover, but The Beatles did it properly and gave it a beautiful song that is still amazing to this day.

"There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No, I never heard it at all
Till there was you"

Stephanie Castillo is a writer whose work has been featured in Prevention, Women's Health, and more.

PHOTO: GETTY

11 Unspoken Rules For A Happy, Healthy Marriage

You’re not going anywhere. He’s not going anywhere.

I cannot believe that my husband and I will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary in a few months.

It seems like just yesterday I walked down the aisle in a beautiful beaded gown and flip flops. And yet, somehow, it also seems like decades ago that we were joined together by God and a band of white gold. It’s really surreal stuff.

During these fleeting, yet dragging, years, I’ve discovered that there are some unspoken rules in happy, healthy marriages.

Want to hear them? Sure you do.

1. Just nod and agree.

You may think that’s the stupidest idea you’ve ever heard, but whatevs. Just nod your pretty little head and hope it works out for him.

2. Never say, "I told you so.

It didn’t work out, did it? Well, don’t say a word. Because love.

3. Know when to shut your trap.

You may be a very vocal wife, but know when to keep your lips zipped.

Example: While your man is assembling your children’s play set in 102 degree heat, he’ll probably misplace some nuts, bolts and his sanity. As the expletives flow from his lips like water, now is not the time to ridicule his ridiculous work method or his lack of using the instructions.

Just take him some sweet tea and stay in the shade.

4. Keep your opinions about his family to yourself.

If you must recite the Serenity prayer every time you pull into the in-laws driveway, only do it in your head. Never speak it in front of him … while sobbing and clutching a Rosary.

5. Don’t threaten divorce everytime something minor happens.

He set his glass on the table without a coaster, but there’s no need to draft an itemized list of what you want in the divorce (although you’d let him keep the table with the drink ring).

You’re not going anywhere. He’s not going anywhere. Take the lawyer off speed-dial.

6. Don’t share intimate stuff with strangers.

Maybe a 30-second commercial lasted longer than last night’s sex. Maybe he got so drunk he peed in the aquarium. Maybe he lost his job because of something ridiculous.

There’s no need to put it on Facebook or tell all of your friends. Respect your man and know when to keep private things, well, private.

7. No cheating. (Duh.)

You don’t want him petting the Hooter’s waitress. He doesn’t want you petting anything. You know better. Just don’t do it.

8. Never stop celebrating together.

Who cares if you’ve spent the last two decades of holidays with the same man? Celebrate them big each time, as if it were the first Christmas, first Valentine's Day, first birthday.

As soon as you stop celebrating together, sparks start to fizzle. Buy him some new Ray-Bans, even though you know he’ll lose them within a month. Okay, a week.

9. Know the correct answer.

He should know how to answer, “Am I still hot?” and “Is she prettier?” and “Is my lasagna edible?”

And you should know how to answer, “Do you mind if I watch football?” Who cares if you really don’t want to watch football? That man ate your lasagna last night. Cut him some slack.

10. Follow the golden rule.

It’s quite simple really. Treat him the way you want to be treated, and if he’s a good one, he’ll reciprocate the love and respect. But no matter how often you hold in your farts, he’s never going to hold in his.

That’s life. That’s marriage. Accept it.

11. Remember: honeymoons don't last forever.

They just don't. Marriage takes a lot of hard work once the butterflies die and the excitement dwindles.

Love isn't a feeling. It's an action. And by action, I don't mean act all crazy and run away with the UPS guy because your husband skid marked his undies.

I guarantee the UPS man has a few marks of his own. It's a grass isn't always greener type thing, you know?

Enjoy your marriage. Enjoy each other. Enjoy these unspoken rules.

You know they're true.

Susannah B. Lewis is an author, blogger and podcaster. Her videos and articles have been featured in Reader’s Digest, US Weekly, Yahoo!, Huffington Post, Unilad, The Weather Channel, and more. Follow Susannah on her Facebook page Whoa Susannah.

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That faint-hearted guy isn't for you.

I've been sarcastic since the day I was born.

When the obstetrician smacked my newborn baby butt, I probably told him, "Hey! At least buy me dinner first!"

Through years of dating and finally marrying someone who could put up with my wit and wisecracks, I learned that there are some rules sarcastic women must follow if they want to have a successful relationship that lasts more than five minutes and doesn't result in their date sobbing in a bathroom.

Remember, scaring men away is not the point — not if you're looking for someone to settle down with.

After all, it's not about changing who you are, as old relationship advice might suggest. It's about being who you are while making room for someone new to get to know you.

Here are ten dating tips for strong, sarcastic women who don't want to scare guys away — at least not the good ones!

1. Know the fine line between sarcasm and being a b*tch.

Oh, there's a fine line, and it's so easy for the sarcastic lady to cross it. Remember that guys are drawn to an independent, opinionated, funny gal. They steer clear of a nagging, cut-throat, ruthless witch. Witch can also be spelled with a "b." Duh.

2. Don't be sarcastic too soon into the relationship.

When you open your door and see your blind date, it's best not to verbally speak your first impression. Say he's wearing a hideously ugly orange shirt. Try to refrain from any pumpkin references. I'm sure he has other clothes. Better yet? You can take him shopping. Duh.

3. Learn how to take a compliment.

I have a hard time accepting compliments, as do most sarcastic people. If someone says they like my earrings, I usually scoff and drone on about how they accentuate my large Dumbo-like ears. If your date compliments you, a simple "thank you" will suffice. Duh.

4. Know when to turn off the sarcasm.

Remember your old Jem doll with the earring switch on the back of her neck?

Well unfortunately, satire doesn't have a switch. You have to learn to control your "gift" of mockery. If your new date is baring his soul to you concerning his father issues, don't yawn and give him Dr. Phil's email address.

The fact that he's comfortable enough to confide in you is probably a good thing. Duh.

5. Be sensitive when telling him your preferences.

If your new beau brings home chunky peanut butter instead of your preferred creamy Jif, gently correct him. Dramatically pretending to crack your tooth on a nut and threatening him with your dental bills is just rude. And traumatizing. Duh.

6. Act excited.

If he surprises you with basketball season tickets but you loathe hoops, sighing and blowing your bangs out of your face while dryly replying, "Yippee" isn't the nicest way to respond. It won't kill you to be enthusiastic once in a while. Duh.

7. Conceal your hatred.

Things are progressing nicely in your relationship and you just met his mother. She laughs like a hyena and made it clearly known that you aren't good enough to scoop up her Jack Russell's feces. Smile and politely nod instead of calling her Mommy Dearest and jamming a steak knife into her eye. Duh.

8. Keep the all-caps texts to a minimum.

You can prove a point without screaming things in text messages!

9. Don't mix sarcasm and emotion.

Emotional scenes tend to make the sardonic uncomfortable. Telling him how well you can see his receding hair line while he's down on one knee with a little black box isn't cool. Duh.

10. Let him know when you aren't being sarcastic.

You crack so many jokes that it's hard for your significant other to know when you aren't trying to be funny.

Learn to confidently say, "I'm being serious right now" when you're discussing fidelity or other major issues. You never want him to think he has your blessing to do body shots off some chick in a leather corset. Duh.

Sarcastic ladies, your sense of humor isn't for wimps — and that faint-hearted guy probably isn't for you.

That's OK. Don't change who you are or ever be ashamed of your gift of dry wit. You'll find someone who appreciates it.

Better yet, you'll find a guy who can match your one-liners with his own. That's truly magical. Duh.

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3. Take interest in the things they love.

4. Plan a date.

5. Send a photo (or two).

6. Don't use your phone at the dinner table.

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During these fleeting, yet dragging, years, I’ve discovered that there are some unspoken rules in happy, healthy marriages.

1. Just nod and agree.

2. Never say, "I told you so.

3. Know when to shut your trap.

4. Keep your opinions about his family to yourself.

5. Don’t threaten divorce everytime something minor happens.

6. Don’t share intimate stuff with strangers.

7. No cheating. (Duh.)

8. Never stop celebrating together.

9. Know the correct answer.

10. Follow the golden rule.

11. Remember: honeymoons don't last forever.

10 New Rules For Sarcastic Women Who Don't Want To Scare Guys Away

Here are ten dating tips for strong, sarcastic women who don't want to scare guys away — at least not the good ones!

1. Know the fine line between sarcasm and being a b*tch.

2. Don't be sarcastic too soon into the relationship.

3. Learn how to take a compliment.

4. Know when to turn off the sarcasm.

5. Be sensitive when telling him your preferences.

6. Act excited.

7. Conceal your hatred.

8. Keep the all-caps texts to a minimum.

9. Don't mix sarcasm and emotion.

10. Let him know when you aren't being sarcastic.

Sarcastic ladies, your sense of humor isn't for wimps — and that faint-hearted guy probably isn't for you.

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